Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Green mimosas i think yes
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
