I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
