Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
