I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
