You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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