We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
