So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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