That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
