dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
