Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
