I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
