I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
