I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
