he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think i have two assholes
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
