Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
