i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They have beer where we have blood.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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