saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
