I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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