I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
