I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
