Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
