i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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