I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
