my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
