Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
