I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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