Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize