so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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