the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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