This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
