She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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