If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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