Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
