Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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