How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
