You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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