U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
