You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
