We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
