The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Small penises have feelings too.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
