Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
