i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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