TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
