If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize