You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
