I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
