I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
