Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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