so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
