just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Randomize
