it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So apparently I’m into choking now
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
