dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize