Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
