I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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