They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
where are you?
Hypothermia
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
