But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
