Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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