I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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