i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
there is glitter all over my balls
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
