im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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