I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
