Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
