I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize