She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
