I need help removing her.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
