quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
