it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
