she was so not down for the gang bang
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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