Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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