using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
